Are "Relationship Goals" Memes Just Annoying Or Something More?

Unless you've been living under a social media rock, you should know of or have seen pictures of other's relationships like the ones below, everywhere. They are usually accompianed by "OMG I wish I had this!" "Can't wait to be like this with my future bae" or "Me and Bae" following with a flurry of heart eye, kissy face, & raised hands emoji's. They're relationship goals memes, but are they important?

These pictures are basically inspiration or something to model one's relationship...a symbol. Quite a few people are annoyed with their presence, and I understand when it comes to the ones that are really ridiculous and aren't positive or are just random. But there are a lot that are admirable, and you can understand why people would look to those relationship pictures and desire to have that.

To me, these types of 'relationship goals" memes are the important ones. The ones that show a couple together and successful. They are important to a generation that has a strong reputation of completely turning its back on love; it shows that that is far from the truth.

It reveals that we do long to be in committed and successful relationships. We have our minds set on being involved with someone for the long run, and be genuinely in love with someone. That we actually do want to have someone to share our success with so much that we push and motivate them, as well.

SOME "relationship goals" memes are important because they show us, as a generation, that real love is out there and that we can strive for and obtain it.

What are your thoughts on "relationship goals" memes?

xx, Jasmine

*First seen on JSMNMarie*

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The Friend Zone & Giving Chances

Recently, I found myself regretting not giving one of my old high school friends a chance. By saying "give a chance", I mean playing into him liking me and allowing myself to be involved with him just to see if it works out. After this time of regret, I realized, at the time in high school, I was not attracted to him. He didn't deserve a chance because I didn't want to give him one. I just didn't see it for him.

I remember everyone begging me to like him because he and I would make this awesome couple that was just so cute and adorable. I agree, looking back, we had the solid foundation of the "high school sweethearts" fantasy/love story, but I refused to compromise my own feelings or lack thereof because twenty something people thought it was a "good idea".

This is where I was introduced to the friend zone and would meet it again time after time throughout high school. In my true "feministic" ways, I believe the friend zone is just another social construct to condemn women and force us to conform into what men want us to be and do. It makes girls (the usual friend zoner) feel horrible for not giving their guy friends (the usual friend zonee) a sexual or romantic chance. To be honest, sweetheart, we just don't feel you in that manner. You're just going to have to move on from it and stop being butt hurt.

For me, this whole complaint about the friend zone that I've received is beyond disheartening and hurtful. If the only reason we are friends is to somehow gain a sexual reward, then we should never have been friends in the first place. I'm not your sexual conquest. I am a human being who seeks platonic human interaction. If you see all your female friends as sexual/romantic conquests then maybe it's you who needs to reflect on yourself and not the girl who is your "friend".

What are your thoughts on the friend zone?

xx, Jasmine

*First Seen On JSMNMarie*

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2016 Reading List

Something that has always been important to me is reading all kinds of different books and just soaking everything in; whether it be fiction or non-fiction. I can remember doing nothing but reading growing up. I would go through 3 books a week. Not only that, but I would be able to give a full fledged review. So, I plan on going back to that. I will try read 3 books a month. I already have the first quarter of the year covered with these 9 books.

1. The Bible For Black Girls x Chelsea Claverie
2. Send It On x Jouelzy
3. #GIRLBOSS x Sophia Amoruso
4. Bad Feminist Essays by Roxane Gay
5. Ghana Must Go x Taiye Selasi
6. It's Not How Good How You Are, It's How Good You Want To Be x Paul Arden
7. Damn Good Advice (For People With Talent) x George Lois
8. F*ck Feelings: One Shrink's Practical Advice for Managing All Life's Impossible Problems x Michael I.Bennett, MD & Sarah Bennett
9. You Are a Badass: How to Stop Doubting Your Greatness and Start Living an Awesome Life x Jen Sincero

Be on the lookout for reviews and/or join in reading with me.

Do you have any book recommendations?

xx, Jasmine


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2015 Reflections | 2016 Expectations

The new year is here. 2015 did pass by with a swiftness. 2015 wasn't very memorable for me, but it did have it's moments. Like 2014, it was a year of realizations about myself which leads to many goals and expectations for 2016 and new outlook for me as well. Here are key points and lessons I've learned throughout the year and what I expect to come in 2016

2015 Reflections:

1. Found my voice
2. Damaged my hair
3. Accepted into my top choice university
4. Believed that I mattered
5. Understood that I determine who "I" am
6. Sought professional help for my depression and anxiety
7. Figured out that I am the only holding me back
8. Identified toxic relationships
9. Realized I am somebody who deserves respect
10. Began to figure who "I" am
11. Started to find my purpose in my life
12. Began to care about the people I spend time with 
13. Big Chopped for the second time
14. Accepted that "it" was not my fault 
15. Realized that I need to be happy with myself before entering a relationship 

2016 Expectations:

1. Breaking the habit of procrastination
2. Stay focused on my studies
3. Take myself and my dreams seriously
4. Use my voice
5. Hold myself accountable
6. Be comfortable in my own skin
7. Follow my dreams
8. Take risks and chances
9. Conquer my fears
10. Be financially stable 
11. Will not let others' negativity lessen my positivity 
12. Prioritize self-care and mental health
13. Value you other's opinions, but not let them shape me 
14. Let my personality shine
15. Not allow anyone to take advantage of me
16. Address problems in the moment

I do plan on 2016 being a monumental year for me, in every aspect. I believe in myself and I'm ready to take charge of my life and dominate.

xx, Jasmine

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The Origin of Twerking

I know I'm fairly late on the "twerking" think pieces, but a lot of older generation still have a problem with this. So, I figured I'd say what I always wanted to say now that I have a platform to do so.

The "booty popping" or twerking did not originate to please men or anything like that as many think. It's not anything new to our culture, and being apart of this generation, I'm shocked to see that so many of our elders don't know the origin or care to learn it. The origin of "booty popping" most commonly known as twerking is the West African dance Mapouka, hailing from Cote d'lvoire also known as la dance du fessier or dance of the behind.

There were dances that the elders of your generation (because I know you were once young) felt were raunchy and sexual but also came from our African ancestors just modernized because the original knowledge of the dance was stolen and thrown away.

Something else that comes into play when talking about twerking is the attire most wear when twerking. I've heard plenty of people attack the way women, especially black women, dress and how it pertains to how people will treat us or that we won't have a legitimate future.

The way they are dressed should NOT determine our future. You are the ones who feel that it is sexualized, not my generation. We are classy and sophisticated. I don't know why this dress has to be excluded from being a lady. We include it because this is OUR generation. Times have changed. Pants were once seen as raunchy and also skirts above the ankles as well, but that changed as well, right? 

Maybe you all should stop judging us before you get to know us. You all did raise our generation. Stop attacking us for such frivolous things and focus on the fact that many people were educated, despite their dress and dancing because that wasn't the focus. We, my generation, are insightful, intelligent, and sophisticated. Just because we don't show the same way your generation did, doesn't mean it doesn't exists.

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Why I Stopped Dating White Guys & the Importance of Black Love

For three years, I was obsessed with white men and only wanted to date white men. I was only "attracted" to white men. My reasons stemmed from internalized racism and a hatred for myself and a disgust for my people. 

It wasn't even a secret. I openly disrespected black men in order to uplift and put these white men on a pedestal. I used to say...well, I actually don't feel comfortable saying what I used to say. I do feel comfortable apologizing to black men as a whole for how I treated you and how I disrespected you. 

Back to why I dated white men, it was easier to date white men. I didn't have to deal with a lot of the same things I would if I were to date a black man. I wouldn't have to worry about people thinking he was stealing, that he was poor, that he was disrespectful, that he was abusive, that he had children (at the ages of 15-18), or he was a thug/drug dealer/gangsta/ghetto. Now, you see, these are all negative stereotypes forced onto black men that we are taught from birth thus creating the internalized racism.

Also, dating white men meant I would have mixed children; the ideal child to have. It's actually a fetish the way people obsess over mixed children, a disgusting fetish at that. But, I knew my mixed children would have a better life being "light skinned, light eyes, and loose curly hair". I thought it would be easier to raise my children which is completely false. I would have no idea how to raise mixed children. People of mixed races have to deal with an identity crisis of not knowing who they are, where they fit in, who they fit in with, and whether or not they are more this than that. I would have no idea how to deal with that. I know for a fact that a white man would be completely lost.

Now as I got more into the dating scene and actually was involved with white men, I realized a problem presenting itself. The ease of dating a white man is the reason I wanted to/did date them, but, we never connected and the reason was because we weren't living the same struggles. I couldn't see myself being integrated into his family the same way I would with a black family. I didn't look like family to them and vice versa. 

I also began to realize that I wanted to erase my blackness so that my children didn't realize what it was like to be black. What it was like to hate yourself, to be hated in the world, to be hated by your own brothers and sisters. I wasn't attracted to white men, but I knew (was brainwashed) that I could never be with black men and be happy. 

Black love and realizing how important and revolutionary and necessary i is for our community. I started to learn how to love myself and my people. I knew I had to love my children fully, not just half of them. Black love is the foundation. It's not offensive. It's empowering. It defies everything we've been taught. We see the beauty in each other that has always been there. Through everything we find love in each other, a love so strong, an unbreakable bond that can withstand anything. We found a way together to fight through all our struggles and obstacles and find happiness at the same time.



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How Colorism Affected Me

My whole life I've seen myself as darker than I actually am.

All of my friends have been lighter than me. I’ve always been the darkest one. So, when people would say “oh you’re pretty for a black girl” they would always be talking to me. My glorious amount of melanin never made people question my blackness. I mistook that for “darkness”. I never had a problem with being the “dark” one. I don't know. I kinda owned that and embraced, now that I know I’m not that, I have to adjust my whole way of thinking.

I know why I made sure my female friends were lighter than me, but at the same time I don’t. What I do know is that I always had an excuse as to why guys wouldn’t date me. My friends were light skin and I wasn’t. So, I never really had to deal with rejection because of who I am, personality wise, but because of my skintone…I always wondered how colorism was used against me, personally…I did it. I used it to feed my own insecurities.

Then, there's this thing called representation. In all the movies and shows I watched, Clueless (Dionne) and The Proud Family (Dijonay), Kim Possible (Monique) , A Different World (Kim) and Martin (Pam) for example, the best friend or back up or sidekick was always the darker one, usually "ghetto" or "the strong black woman" or the one there for comedic relief. That's who I saw myself as. That was who I could relate to. That's all I thought I was good for. So, it was easy for me to step into that role. I knew it so well.

Now, it hasn't been until recently, that I realized that this is a huge problem. I shouldn't equate my skintone to a certain type of person I need to be. I am more than that. I define myself and no one and not one stereotype can take that away from me. I deserve to be treated as human not a shade of brown.

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