The Origin of Twerking

I know I'm fairly late on the "twerking" think pieces, but a lot of older generation still have a problem with this. So, I figured I'd say what I always wanted to say now that I have a platform to do so.

The "booty popping" or twerking did not originate to please men or anything like that as many think. It's not anything new to our culture, and being apart of this generation, I'm shocked to see that so many of our elders don't know the origin or care to learn it. The origin of "booty popping" most commonly known as twerking is the West African dance Mapouka, hailing from Cote d'lvoire also known as la dance du fessier or dance of the behind.

There were dances that the elders of your generation (because I know you were once young) felt were raunchy and sexual but also came from our African ancestors just modernized because the original knowledge of the dance was stolen and thrown away.

Something else that comes into play when talking about twerking is the attire most wear when twerking. I've heard plenty of people attack the way women, especially black women, dress and how it pertains to how people will treat us or that we won't have a legitimate future.

The way they are dressed should NOT determine our future. You are the ones who feel that it is sexualized, not my generation. We are classy and sophisticated. I don't know why this dress has to be excluded from being a lady. We include it because this is OUR generation. Times have changed. Pants were once seen as raunchy and also skirts above the ankles as well, but that changed as well, right? 

Maybe you all should stop judging us before you get to know us. You all did raise our generation. Stop attacking us for such frivolous things and focus on the fact that many people were educated, despite their dress and dancing because that wasn't the focus. We, my generation, are insightful, intelligent, and sophisticated. Just because we don't show the same way your generation did, doesn't mean it doesn't exists.

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Why I Stopped Dating White Guys & the Importance of Black Love

For three years, I was obsessed with white men and only wanted to date white men. I was only "attracted" to white men. My reasons stemmed from internalized racism and a hatred for myself and a disgust for my people. 

It wasn't even a secret. I openly disrespected black men in order to uplift and put these white men on a pedestal. I used to say...well, I actually don't feel comfortable saying what I used to say. I do feel comfortable apologizing to black men as a whole for how I treated you and how I disrespected you. 

Back to why I dated white men, it was easier to date white men. I didn't have to deal with a lot of the same things I would if I were to date a black man. I wouldn't have to worry about people thinking he was stealing, that he was poor, that he was disrespectful, that he was abusive, that he had children (at the ages of 15-18), or he was a thug/drug dealer/gangsta/ghetto. Now, you see, these are all negative stereotypes forced onto black men that we are taught from birth thus creating the internalized racism.

Also, dating white men meant I would have mixed children; the ideal child to have. It's actually a fetish the way people obsess over mixed children, a disgusting fetish at that. But, I knew my mixed children would have a better life being "light skinned, light eyes, and loose curly hair". I thought it would be easier to raise my children which is completely false. I would have no idea how to raise mixed children. People of mixed races have to deal with an identity crisis of not knowing who they are, where they fit in, who they fit in with, and whether or not they are more this than that. I would have no idea how to deal with that. I know for a fact that a white man would be completely lost.

Now as I got more into the dating scene and actually was involved with white men, I realized a problem presenting itself. The ease of dating a white man is the reason I wanted to/did date them, but, we never connected and the reason was because we weren't living the same struggles. I couldn't see myself being integrated into his family the same way I would with a black family. I didn't look like family to them and vice versa. 

I also began to realize that I wanted to erase my blackness so that my children didn't realize what it was like to be black. What it was like to hate yourself, to be hated in the world, to be hated by your own brothers and sisters. I wasn't attracted to white men, but I knew (was brainwashed) that I could never be with black men and be happy. 

Black love and realizing how important and revolutionary and necessary i is for our community. I started to learn how to love myself and my people. I knew I had to love my children fully, not just half of them. Black love is the foundation. It's not offensive. It's empowering. It defies everything we've been taught. We see the beauty in each other that has always been there. Through everything we find love in each other, a love so strong, an unbreakable bond that can withstand anything. We found a way together to fight through all our struggles and obstacles and find happiness at the same time.



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How Colorism Affected Me

My whole life I've seen myself as darker than I actually am.

All of my friends have been lighter than me. I’ve always been the darkest one. So, when people would say “oh you’re pretty for a black girl” they would always be talking to me. My glorious amount of melanin never made people question my blackness. I mistook that for “darkness”. I never had a problem with being the “dark” one. I don't know. I kinda owned that and embraced, now that I know I’m not that, I have to adjust my whole way of thinking.

I know why I made sure my female friends were lighter than me, but at the same time I don’t. What I do know is that I always had an excuse as to why guys wouldn’t date me. My friends were light skin and I wasn’t. So, I never really had to deal with rejection because of who I am, personality wise, but because of my skintone…I always wondered how colorism was used against me, personally…I did it. I used it to feed my own insecurities.

Then, there's this thing called representation. In all the movies and shows I watched, Clueless (Dionne) and The Proud Family (Dijonay), Kim Possible (Monique) , A Different World (Kim) and Martin (Pam) for example, the best friend or back up or sidekick was always the darker one, usually "ghetto" or "the strong black woman" or the one there for comedic relief. That's who I saw myself as. That was who I could relate to. That's all I thought I was good for. So, it was easy for me to step into that role. I knew it so well.

Now, it hasn't been until recently, that I realized that this is a huge problem. I shouldn't equate my skintone to a certain type of person I need to be. I am more than that. I define myself and no one and not one stereotype can take that away from me. I deserve to be treated as human not a shade of brown.

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I Hate My Natural Hair

"So lately, I've been stressing about my hair. To be honest, I kind of hate it. I can't really do much with it. I know. I know. "Natural Hair is so versatile." Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. My problem is that my hair is too short for me. It's definitely growing because I keep it healthy, you know what I'm saying. I just can't find the right go to hairstyle for me yet at this state."

Does that sound familiar? Good, because it should. I wrote this intro for a post a month ago. Funfact: I still feel the same way. 

I wish I would have transitioned longer, actually until I reached my goal length which is shoulder length when curly. My hair is currently like right above my collar bone. The only proof I have that my hair is growing is that I can finally put it into a high puff.

However, I really do miss the ease of my hair when straight. So, I recently straightened it. It was seen in my last post. It was super frizzy and way too thick for me and my lazyness, so I only straightened half of it. I also noticed that my hair was really uneven which is another reason I didn't finish it.

Either way, I don't like my hair currently, straight or curly. Now, I've never thought about getting a relaxer again, but I have thought about getting my hair professionally straightened.

I know I "shouldn't" put heat on my hair, and blah, blah, blah, but I don't care. It's about me being comfortable with myself and I'm not comfortable with short, uneven, curly hair.

- This is a portion of a recent post on my fashion and beauty blog. Since this post, my thoughts have not changed.

I'm just not comfortable with my natural short hair. I know this and have accepted this. I know people will have a problem with that statement, but you don't have to accept it because you aren't dealing with this problem. This is a significant part of my own personal self-love journey. I need to embrace this negative part and turn it into a positive; how I deal with this insecurity is the most important part not whether or not I have it. Now, I could either just wear my hair out until I am comfortable or keep protective styles until it's at a length that I am actually comfortable with.

I knew the moment I bc’d, I regretted it. I wish I never did it. But, it was done and I tried to embrace it but couldn’t. Everybody says that the BC will be liberating, but what they fail to tell you is that YOU HAVE TO BE READY. Not everyone is going to be comfortable with a short length. That’s ok. So, for everyone who felt hideous, insecure, out of place, or even guilty for not feeling a certain way, you’re not alone. It’s ok. So, if you need to were a wig, get extensions, braids/twists, whatever, until you’re comfortable with how YOU look, please do it. Even if you want to relax your hair again, if that’s what you feel you need to do, do it. You can have healthy hair and be relaxed. This is your journey. Don’t let anyone tell you how it’s supposed to go because they’re not walking on the same path you are. They don’t have the same potholes and rocks and debri blocking their way. You do what you need to.

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Pro Blaque Rose: The Intro

So, I finally did it. I'm starting a lifestyle blog centered on a young African-american woman experiencing her Glo Up; growing, maturing, & learning. The topics I focus on will range from race to self-care to relation/friendships to college life. It will also focus on Mental Health.

This my safe space where I can truly be me.

I've made this blog separate from my fashion blog because they are two different brands and demographics. It's not about making white people comfortable or coddling them. It's about what I want to be presented and where and how. I found myself watering down my language and how I write on that blog and I needed a place to be carefree and unapologetic. This is it. This is my safe place.

So, I hope you stay tuned on this journey with me as  I become the unapologetic, unbothered, carefree, brown babe I am destined to be.

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